Why Understanding Your Nervous SystemChanges Everything
Understanding your nervous system creates space for compassion, regulation, and deeper connection.
For years, I practiced as a traditional talk therapist. Many of my clients experienced meaningful insights through our conversations and were able to make lasting changes in their lives. But for others, something felt stuck. We would revisit the same issues session after session, with little movement forward. I began to feel like we were circling the same ground, and I was missing a critical piece of the puzzle.
That realization sent me on a journey. I enrolled in a mental health and nutrition course, then an 18-month yoga for behavioral health professionals program, and eventually dove into trainings on Polyvagal Theory and how the body processes stress and emotions. What I discovered was nothing short of transformative, not just for my clients, but for myself.
As a lifelong perfectionist, I carried my share of shame and self-blame. Learning how the nervous system shapes our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors gave me something new: compassion for myself. Even more, it gave me agency. And isn’t that what we all want, more influence over how we think, feel, and show up in the world?
Why Your Nervous System Matters
The autonomic nervous system (ANS) is at the root of our experience. It influences:
How we think
How we feel
The stories we tell ourselves and others
How we behave and interact in relationships
Every moment, we’re not only experiencing our own nervous system, but also responding to the nervous systems of those around us. When our system is chronically dysregulated, illness and distress often follow. When we build regulation, we create the foundation for wellness.
The Three Elements of Safety
One of the most powerful insights I’ve shared with clients is this: our nervous system looks for three things to feel safe, context, choice, and connection.
Context explains why new or unfamiliar situations can feel unsettling.
Choice shows us why feeling stuck or trapped can lead to anxiety or depression.
Connection is a biological imperative, disconnection from ourselves or others shakes us to our core.
Simply understanding these elements can shift how we see our reactions. Instead of labeling ourselves as “overly sensitive” or “broken,” we begin to meet our experiences with compassion.
Polyvagal Theory in Everyday Life
Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, gives us a framework to understand our nervous system states:
Ventral Vagal (Regulated State): Safety, connection, engagement.
Sympathetic (Fight/Flight): Mobilized energy to handle threats.
Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown): Immobilization when fight/flight feels impossible.
We also move through blended states, like play (a mix of ventral and sympathetic) or freeze (a mix of sympathetic and dorsal).
The important takeaway? Your nervous system isn’t “good” or “bad.” It’s doing its job: keeping you safe. The challenge is that it often can’t tell the difference between modern emotional stress (a difficult boss, a marital conflict) and survival threats (being chased by a predator).
From Awareness to Agency
In my work, I help clients map their nervous system, recognizing cues, triggers, and patterns of reactivity. Together, we explore resources and practices that guide them back toward regulation when it’s appropriate. Yes, we still talk about what’s happening in their lives. But with this framework, the conversation becomes grounded in the body’s experience, not just the mind’s story.
This approach helps clients move beyond awareness into agency. Instead of feeling hijacked by stress or emotion, they learn to navigate it, regulate it, and connect with what supports them most.
The Bottom Line
Being human in today’s world is hard. Our nervous systems have not caught up to the pace and complexity of modern life. But by understanding how your ANS works, and learning tools to support it, you can change how you respond to stress, deepen your resilience, and create more space for connection and joy.
If this approach resonates with you, I’d love to connect. Whether with me or another nervous system-informed clinician, I encourage you to take this step. Because when we work with our nervous system instead of against it, we discover new possibilities for healing and growth.
